AND I WANT TO FUCLING LEAVE.
All we day is sit around all day and talk about our feelings, it's doing my nut in!!!
And I've put on weight.
Cunts.
Friday, 28 May 2010
Monday, 24 May 2010
Looking forward to jamming with the crazies..
..and getting away from the boy and the family. Albeit it only for a fortnight. I am very willing to be going as it feels like I'm finally handling the responsibility of my increasingly poor health and behaviour on to someone else.
I am mental! I have alcohol and razors hidden round the flat for when you're in bed. I spend the night throwing up hot cross buns because my desperate quest for skinnyness is coupled with an obsession with food and the need to eat. Under my funky fashionable bangles and braclets there are scars upon scars upon cigarette burns. I didn't really fall and bang my head, I spent the night banging my head purposley (sp?) purposefully against the wall to avoid thinking.
Everyone has accepted and in agreement with the fact I need to go into rehab, and they probably know about 40% of the above. Crumbs!
Big buttery crumb remnants around the kitchen as evidence of yet another drunken binge.
Oh Georgie, no wonder your legs touch at the top and you're getting a tummy and boobs. You silly silly fat fuck.
Does anyone know how you put one of those trigger warning things on your blog? Just realised I probably swear quite a lot and it might offend people.
As I keep saying to my boyfriend when he tries to row, I fight enough with the people in my head and my dirty far body to bother with aggro with anyone else.
He sat and silently cried at that, great times.
Mad, sad, bad times more like.
I'm wondering how they'll handle my eating at the clinic. Everyone is given prepared plates tailored for their problems. When I went on Friday they were having salmon and pesto spaghetti. I pointed out that there is now way on God's wacky world I would consume that and contemplate not vomiting but everyone just laughed.
And I'm hoping I'll have internet access so I can write on here. Keep a record of what everyone else's shit is! I hope there's a sex addict. A female, wouldn't want to listen to a man harping on about his promiscuity.
Bye for now xx
I am mental! I have alcohol and razors hidden round the flat for when you're in bed. I spend the night throwing up hot cross buns because my desperate quest for skinnyness is coupled with an obsession with food and the need to eat. Under my funky fashionable bangles and braclets there are scars upon scars upon cigarette burns. I didn't really fall and bang my head, I spent the night banging my head purposley (sp?) purposefully against the wall to avoid thinking.
Everyone has accepted and in agreement with the fact I need to go into rehab, and they probably know about 40% of the above. Crumbs!
Big buttery crumb remnants around the kitchen as evidence of yet another drunken binge.
Oh Georgie, no wonder your legs touch at the top and you're getting a tummy and boobs. You silly silly fat fuck.
Does anyone know how you put one of those trigger warning things on your blog? Just realised I probably swear quite a lot and it might offend people.
As I keep saying to my boyfriend when he tries to row, I fight enough with the people in my head and my dirty far body to bother with aggro with anyone else.
He sat and silently cried at that, great times.
Mad, sad, bad times more like.
I'm wondering how they'll handle my eating at the clinic. Everyone is given prepared plates tailored for their problems. When I went on Friday they were having salmon and pesto spaghetti. I pointed out that there is now way on God's wacky world I would consume that and contemplate not vomiting but everyone just laughed.
And I'm hoping I'll have internet access so I can write on here. Keep a record of what everyone else's shit is! I hope there's a sex addict. A female, wouldn't want to listen to a man harping on about his promiscuity.
Bye for now xx
Friday, 21 May 2010
Hello Rehab!
So...
Parents drove me to the seaside today to view what is in essence a rehab place (although they keep referring to it as a 'retreat' - whatever you want to call it, I'm fucking nuts and you've finally noticed).
To cut the long story short (as I don't have much time), I am being admitted on Tuesday for two weeks! To be treated for eating, alcohol and self harm issues. May main aims are to come away and be able to not drink or binge/purge every day and cut the cutting for good. Would also really like to become properly anorexic but I kept that wee thought to myself.
It's... drum roll, £9000 for the 2 weeks.
Shit.
That puts the pressure on ever so slightly. And sort of drums it home just how far I've come down this ridiculously long rambling road to barking barneyville.
So, one more weekend of drinking, bingeing and causing bodily pain, and what a weekend it shall be! I intend to fully get my 9 grands worth. I shall be rocking to the coast on Tuesday reeking of booze, covered in vomit demanding immediate medical attention.
Or I'll sepnd it trying to convince my very conventional boyfriend that being an impulsive addictive individual isn't grounds for dumping.
No idea if anyone else is reading this twaddle, pleae let me know if you are.
Love Georgie.
Parents drove me to the seaside today to view what is in essence a rehab place (although they keep referring to it as a 'retreat' - whatever you want to call it, I'm fucking nuts and you've finally noticed).
To cut the long story short (as I don't have much time), I am being admitted on Tuesday for two weeks! To be treated for eating, alcohol and self harm issues. May main aims are to come away and be able to not drink or binge/purge every day and cut the cutting for good. Would also really like to become properly anorexic but I kept that wee thought to myself.
It's... drum roll, £9000 for the 2 weeks.
Shit.
That puts the pressure on ever so slightly. And sort of drums it home just how far I've come down this ridiculously long rambling road to barking barneyville.
So, one more weekend of drinking, bingeing and causing bodily pain, and what a weekend it shall be! I intend to fully get my 9 grands worth. I shall be rocking to the coast on Tuesday reeking of booze, covered in vomit demanding immediate medical attention.
Or I'll sepnd it trying to convince my very conventional boyfriend that being an impulsive addictive individual isn't grounds for dumping.
No idea if anyone else is reading this twaddle, pleae let me know if you are.
Love Georgie.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Just back from docs. had been planning on going to work today but saw my Mum last night and she reckoned it's time I was treated as an in patient...
Relayed events of the last two weeks to the doc (lovely woman!) and the upshot is that I'll probably be admitted to a private clinic (hoping parents will pay, if not I'll have to use savings) on Monday. Being treated for eating, drinking and self harm issues.
Feel very fucking relieved to be honest!
The boy and Mum are both devestated. Feel very very fucking guilty. I just want to remove myself from the world for a bit. Fade into the background and not be for a while.
I'm happy to come back when I'm skinny and sane...
Relayed events of the last two weeks to the doc (lovely woman!) and the upshot is that I'll probably be admitted to a private clinic (hoping parents will pay, if not I'll have to use savings) on Monday. Being treated for eating, drinking and self harm issues.
Feel very fucking relieved to be honest!
The boy and Mum are both devestated. Feel very very fucking guilty. I just want to remove myself from the world for a bit. Fade into the background and not be for a while.
I'm happy to come back when I'm skinny and sane...
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Didn't go to work today...
After convincing myself yesterday would be a better day, I gave in to the urge and binged massively late last night.
Was drunk as well so not sure how well I purged.
Plus I weighed myself at my Mum and Dad's yesterday and I've put on a stone over the last few months. I had been doing so well! Was nearly at target weight then I got all happy and relaxed - fucking idiot.
So not feeling very chirpy today. But have a plan...
Will tell the boy a but more about my eating issues, may admit to the nightly binges, maybe. And off to join the gym this afternoon. I want to be thin enough for people to question my sanity by August.
Was drunk as well so not sure how well I purged.
Plus I weighed myself at my Mum and Dad's yesterday and I've put on a stone over the last few months. I had been doing so well! Was nearly at target weight then I got all happy and relaxed - fucking idiot.
So not feeling very chirpy today. But have a plan...
Will tell the boy a but more about my eating issues, may admit to the nightly binges, maybe. And off to join the gym this afternoon. I want to be thin enough for people to question my sanity by August.
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